Finding Peace after Leaving a Job

If you are working a 40+hr work week, you are spending almost one-third of your life at work. It makes sense then how closely we identify with our occupation when we spend more time at work than we spend quality time with our families. Hopefully, this creates pride in your work and camaraderie among your co-workers. But eventually, we have to move on.

Choosing to leave your job not only creates anxiety for our pocket-book, it shakes the foundation on which we start to build our identity. For me, leaving jobs has been like getting a divorce. First, I am angry, then depressed, and then for quite awhile I was bitter. I think in my last job transition I lived here for much longer than I am proud of. I was still hurt that my contributions were not recognized, and that despite myself and 14 people leaving, the company did little to change their practices.

Recently, I was involved with a philanthropy project that would benefit from that company’s partnership. I stewed over it for weeks. When I finally admitted to myself that I could not do it on my own, I reached out to my previous employer, who was happy to help me; which made me feel a little better. Then I met with some of my old co-workers to fill them in on the project, which as I suspected, he did not share with any of them! I’m almost embarrassed to say, this actually made me feel A LOT better! In a moment of clarity I could recognize that I made the right choice for myself and that I am no longer continually victimizing myself by staying in that environment. I have found peace with the situation and it feels great.

Cross Training in the Workplace

As we progress in our careers we tend to, and should, migrate towards our “niche,” the job that was meant for us. Here we are self-actualized in our work, challenged but not overwhelmed, and ultimately compensated well because we are valued for our unique contributions. As a constant observer of business environments, I love to watch people in their zone. This zone can also be a huge pitfall in many businesses.

People thrive in communities where they are nurtured and supported. Departments in business work the same way. Marketing, billing, IT, management, every department can be exceptional in their field, but without the support of the other departments no one can run to their fullest potential. Think about your own business. Have you ever caught yourself thinking,”If only so-and-so and the ____________ department did their job things would be so much easier for us.” They are probably thinking the same thing about your department! Often we get so caught up in our own needs we neglect to think about what we could be contributing to other aspects of our business. I think cross-training serves three major functions in business

1. It develops respect for other departments of the organization and strengthens morale.

I was talking with our billing department about a business trip I was heading out on. “You always get to travel, we are always stuck here at the office,” they said. I proceeded to describe how I would be spieling to hundreds of people over the course of a couple of days and giving power point presentations. All of a sudden, my trip didn’t sound like a vacation! We each contribute different talents to the business and at the end of the day we are grateful that we don’t have each other’s job.

2.  You learn how to communicate in the language of other departments.

There are few things more frustrating than requests falling on deaf ears. I find that the majority of the time this occurs because we are asking for favors in our own language rather than considering our audience. Talking to an accountant is much different than talking to a salesman, even though they both deal with numbers. Cross-training gives you the opportunity to learn the language and nuance to communicate well within all the layers of your company.

3.  You can learn problem solving skills by approaching difficult situation with a new arsenal of tools.

I try to surround myself with people that have different skills than I do and I love to see how they conquer problems. When I get stumped, I think “If I were ____________, how would I fix this?” And soon I can revel in outsmarting my circumstances. Sometimes, we need to summon our inner engineer, accountant, or CEO to wiggle our way out of a problem.

So take a walk in someone else’s shoes and enjoy the benefits!

 

Intention vs Luck

My husband often teases me about my “good luck.” I am the person that gets the front row parking spot in a crowded mall, makes friends with business “celebrities,” and wins the front row lottery tickets to the sold-out Broadway show. You can go ahead and give me a dirty look, it’s ok, I’ll wait. Done? Ok, good.

Yes, many people might think that I’m lucky, but I believe that our expectations and intention behind our actions are the predetermining factors to what others perceive as luck.

If you believe the economy is bad, there are no jobs, and you will never fall in love, well guess what, that is exactly what you are going to find. Business-wise this belief might hinder your salary expectations, how you spend your money, the types of jobs you apply to and the amount of time you put into your résumé and interview preparation. Romance, on the other hand, is awfully hard to find if you stay at home, or you continue to frequent places where you have been unsuccessful in the past. Both put you in a pretty big rut.

Instead, if you believe you can prosper you are more likely to negotiate for a better salary, spend a little more time practicing your interview skills and will be more pleasant! If you have the opportunity to hire someone that is pleasant or someone who is doom and gloom, who would you hire? Or date?

Intention is a habit. Start practicing it today. When you walk somewhere, have a purpose. When you go to work today, pick something specific that you want to accomplish or work towards; plan out meals in advance before going to the grocery store. If you know what you want, it is easier to visualize yourself accomplishing your goals. And you are in the position to take advantage of opportunities that arise. It can be as simple as knowing that tomorrow you want to have burritos for dinner and finding a sale on all of the ingredients you need, or having a project you are trying to finish and overhearing someone at a coffee shop having a conversation about that same topic. Talk to them! Unless they are having a meeting, most people love to get asked advice by someone already doing the legwork on a project.

Figure out what you want, act purposely, visualize your success and seize opportunities to start generating your own good fortune. Remember, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity!

 

Self-Leadership: The New Year’s Resolution

No matter where you are on the corporate ladder, if you are at work this week between Christmas and New Years then you are undoubtedly crunching numbers and setting goals for your business, department, management team or employees. Where can you save money? Where can you make more? What market is worth investing more time and effort?

I believe that every person and family is their own mini-company. The popular New Year’s Resolutions seems a lot like a year’s end review to me. But so often we fail in these yearly attempts to better ourselves. I think there are some simple reasons why and a few solutions to conquering our resolution:

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• We take on too much!

Changing a habit is incredibly difficult. Habits serve the very important purpose of not overloading us with stress by taking over the steering wheel on some of our more innate activities. But how stressful is beating yourself up every time you relapse on one of your many resolutions? It feels awful! Pick fewer resolutions, and stage them with the most achievable first. After you feel success, you have a greater success rate with your harder resolutions.

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• Your resolution is not in line with your values.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it is great to quit smoking and eat more healthy foods. If you are doing them because you should without the reason why then it probably won’t last.

Try this instead.

Figure out what your values are: (What in your life are you committed to?)

“Providing a great life for your family and kids” is a far more compelling than wanting to “make more money.” Money might be nice, but aligning to your values gives you more opportunities to succeed. Making quality time to enjoy each other’s company, having dinner together several times a week could all fit into your definition of “providing a great life for your family.” You will probably make more money or accomplish some of your other resolutions while acting with your “value” because you will have a more balanced lifestyle and have intention behind your activities.

Use these values as your theme for your year. (Remember only to pick two or three!) 

Resolution		Value
Lose Weight	Why?
Quit Smoking	Why?
Quit Drinking	Why?
Get out of Debt	Why?
Get Organized	Why?
Make more Money	Why?

 

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• Get rid of things that hinder your theme or values.

That’s right. Before you start adding anything extra to your life, you have to make some room. It might mean cleaning out your car, or donating clothes that don’t fit or you don’t wear anymore. It might mean getting rid of toxic relationships, or leaving a bad work environment. These are the toughest because they require the most faith and determination. I spent a whole year doing just this stage. Over the span of a year I ended negative friendships, changed careers, and stopped hobbies that did not build up my marriage. It was hard! But completely worth it.

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• Add things that enhance your theme or values.

Now you have room in your life! This is where I recommend a physical list. If you are adding material objects, then I suggest also writing down a ballpark range of what you would feel comfortable spending. You will be more likely to save for it, and when you have the extra money you can cross it off the list instead of spending it frivolously. Track how much you actually spent. If you spent less than you anticipated you can always add that to another item without guilt! If you are adding people back into your life, man, you are in for a treat! Now that you are free from your other toxic relationships you have room for some great people. (They may have even been waiting for that person to leave!) If you decide to go looking, pick an activity aligned with your values and have fun meeting new people. 

• Write it down and display it prominently!

You might have an excellent memory, but your habit is part of that memory! Write down your theme for the year and put it on your refrigerator or tape it inside your front door so you can see it when you leave the house.

•  Tell someone!

Pick someone you trust (they probably hold similar values) that will ask you about your progress. This will keep you accountable to holding your theme through the year. The more people you tell, the more accountable you become. And they will cheer you on!

•  Keep trying!

Habits are tough to break. If you make a slip, try something else that will keep you on track with your theme and then come back to the one you are having trouble with. There is no shame in starting again after a moment of weakness. Don’t beat yourself up. If it were easy, gym memberships wouldn’t sell so much the first week of January!

 

Here’s to a Great 2013!